been a long time as i forgot my password,woops!
not a lot to say other than a weekend away caused so much hate for one place!I want to get out.

Missed the faces i saw over the last few days,got up to mischief and laughed over nothing.Those are the times i'll remeber.The times it was singing to us,the time his mum was the woman of my life.I've never been so cold,but you were there and it was worth.
I wish you took your bad qualities and made them into good,because with your existing good ones,you'd be as close you perfect you can get.
I dont know what i want from you,do i want you to be there?Or as far away as possible?There for all the right reasons,but at the same time they're the wrong ones.
How will i be happier?I need to put myself first in this one,but i just don't know.
weigh up the pros and cons,whatever happens,happens.

Rough.
Let down.
Guilty.
Sore.
fragile.




wishing i was in my prime.
wishing you were here with me.
wishing you would let me know.


missing you.
wanting you.
needing you.
all when i shouldn't

I'm falling deeper and deeper,to quick.I'm creating worries,just help me out and tell me how you're feeling.It's not all that hard,is it?



You say these things yet possibly mean another.I'm wanting to know what you're thinking baby,let me know when you're ready.Cause if its not what i'm feeling that theres so much out there for me to find.

Sudden rush of motivation knowing that theres so much more to it and several people there to help.I'm going to do it,no matter what.

**** is what we aim for?I couldn't agree more,just remember to keep it hidden.

Set myself some goals.Rules.Restrictions.Guidelines and limits.
Do whatever i can.

P.s ♥!

restored;
trust
faith
happiness

Baby I've fallen.Don't try and help me up,just fall down next to me

It's the end of the holidays,it was close to being perfect.But like they say,nothings perfect.Someone comes and creates doubts,a million and one thoughts passing through my mind.Mixed emotion and a thousand wishes,hopeful and wanting.
It's also a new year.New year,new start.thats what they say,clean slate and all that.I don't want that,just improvements.Mainly with myself.Just make things better so i'll be happier.I need willpower which is something i lack, but i'll try my best.You're doing what you're doing and i've already done want i want to do before,i'm sure i can do it again.Surely it cant be that hard.
I was most scared i've been all my life just recently.Thoughts every single day about how a certain thing could change my life for good,it didn't seem all that real,maybe it seemed that real that it became a dream,a nightmare infact.But now,i'm relieved.I was close to crying with happiness.A huge weight lifted and brought us that little bit closer.

goodnight.x

If you let yourself go,

make sure you can always get yourself back.

"I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin
I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this"

Since the holidays started it has been brilliant from the word go.I'm full of excitement and everything has been so 'spur of the moment.' There's a few minor things that i would like the disappear but they aren't bothering me all that much.It's no longer been three months,which is weird to think.Its also weird to think why it isn't three months and how,but i certainly aren't complaining.It was nice.
I enjoyed yesterday,i haven't been that lazy in a long time.Stayed in bed pretty much from 9saturday night til 8 last night.Slobber chops and telly,good times.
Speaking of Saturday night,that was a funny one.Started off planning to go the underground,got merry and tried go to a party.On the bus to the party Kyle was extremely drunk and decided he wanted a wee,tried to wee in a bottle but failed so there was urine allll over the bus,how lovely.Anyway,in the end we couldn't go to the party so i went back to Kyles,he passed out/went to sleep for a few hours and i watched A Knights Tale for the first time,it was good.Once he woke,he put animal porn on.That wasn't good.
Mother and Father are wrapping up my christmas presents as we speak,I'm ever so excited.Tomorrow i am heading off to hanley with Kyle to choose a dress for tomorrow night when me and few friends go for a meal then off to party.Several drinks,lots of dancing,drunken loves and slur of words.





Advice;I don't enjoy clingy people.Pipe down!

Ok,just a quick hello.
I have orange hair.
It's almost christmas,which means its almost new year.
I'm getting a very sexy Nikon F65 on December 25th.
I currently feel extremely large but thats only my fault.
Last night was odd to say the least.
walking to Cheadle from Kingsley at half two was a bit strange.
then waking up Ky's house was just abuhhh.
Lots of plans for the next week,how exciting and these new folk aren't that bad either.
However,people who feel the need to talk about behind my back aren't all that good,especially when they don't me.
I want a new book.
I want money.
I want W/L and i'm failing at the shrinking game but not due to flags.
I'm the most indesive person just recently which is quiet bad but fun too.
I'm happy on my own and i never thought i would be.
Being able to have my own freedom and do what i want is beauuuutiful
and i'll be staying like this for a very long time thankyou very much!





so you and your naughty arse can get fucked.

One of those fucking awful black days when nothing is pleasing and everything that happens is an excuse for anger. An outlet for emotions stockpiled, an arsenal, an armour. These are the days when I hate the world, hate the rich, hate the happy, hate the complacent, the TV watchers, beer drinkers, the satisfied ones. Because I know I can be all of those little hateful things and then I hate myself for realising that. There's no preventative, directive or safe approach for living. We each know our own fate. We know from our youth how to be treated, how we'll be received, how we shall end. These things don't change. You can change your clothes, change your hairstyle, your friends, cities, continents but sooner or later your own self will always catch up. Always it waits in the wings. Ideas swirl but don't stick. They appear but then run off like rain on the windshield. One of those rainy day car rides my head implodes, the atmosphere in this car a mirror of my skull. Wet, damp, windows dripping and misted with cold. Walls of grey. Nothing good on the radio. Not a thought in my head.

Lets take life and slow it down incredibly slow, frame by frame with two minutes that take ten years to live out. Yeah, lets do that.

Telephone poles like praying mantras against the sky, metal arms outstretched. So much land travelled so little sense made of it. It doesn't mean a thing all this land laid out behind us. I'd like to take off into these woods and get good and lost for a while. I'm disgusted with petty concerns; parking tickets, breakfast specials. Does someone just have to carry this weight? Abstract typography, methane inconvenience, linear gospel, Nashville sales lady, and torturous lice, mad Elizabeth. Chemotherapy bullshit.

The light within you shines like a diamond mine, like an unarmed walrus, like a dead man face down on the highway. Like a snake eating its own tail, steam turbine, frog farm, two full closets burst open in disarray, soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list, blowjob, deaths head, devils dancing, bleached white buildings, memories, movements, the movie unfeeling, unreeling, about to begin.

I've seen your hallway, you're a darn call away, I've hear your stairs creak. I can fix my mind on your yes, and on your no. I'll film you face today in the sparkling canals, all red, yellow, blue, green brilliance and silver Dutch reflection. Racing thoughts, racing thoughts. All too real, you're moving so fast now I cant hold your image. This image I have of your face by the window, me standing beside you arm on your shoulder. A catalogue of images, flashing glimpses then gone again.

Every clear afternoon now I'll picture you up in the air twisting your heel, your knees up around me, my face in your hair. You scream so well, your smile so loud it still rings in my ears.

Imitation. Distant, tired of longing. Clean white teeth. Stay the course. Hold the wheel. Steer on to freedom. Open all the boxes.

Open all the boxes.

Open all the boxes.

Open all the boxes.

Times Square midday: newspaper buildings, news headlines going around, you watch as they go, and hope that some good comes. Those tree shadows in the park they're all whistling chasing leaves. Around six pm, shadows across cobblestones, girl in front of a bathroom mirror she slowly and carefully and paints her face green and mask like. A portrait. A green stripe. Long shot through apartment window, a monologue on top but no girl in shot. The light within you shines like a diamond mine, like an unarmed walrus, like a dead man face down on the highway. Like a snake eating its own tail steam turbine, frog farm, two full closets burst open in disarray, soap bubbles in the sun, hospital death bed, red convertible, shopping list, blowjob, deaths head, devils dancing, bleached white buildings, memories, movements. The movie unreeling, about to begin.

That was great
Yeah? Mine were alright. Wasn't my best one but who cares?
That's the spirit...